[ closed post: the sun shines brightly ]

[lightbearinglord]

It has been a strange handful of weeks, but Lan Wangji can accept strange far more easily than he could accept the pain that rippled inexorably outward from Shen Yuan's death, seeming to leave no one untouched. The parade of visitors was unusual, and thought-provoking, but not painful. Lan Wangji enjoyed meeting most of them. Even Galahad, whose empty politeness made him feel hollow in turn -- there was a quiet satisfaction in bringing him to the rabbits and watching his stunned expression at the simple joy of holding something small and vulnerable and trusting.

As for himself, the memories are so abstract as to be incomprehensible. There is something there, enough something to assure him that Aornis had no hand in this specific strangeness. But he can barely grasp at the details. He remembers embracing Magnus, but that signifies nothing out of the ordinary. He remembers sparring with Gideon; he remembers that he needs to ask Sagramore for fresh poetry. He remembers the loss of Wei Ying, newer and crueler than it typically is these days, but when he came back to himself the next morning, Wei Ying was there, his head tucked beneath Lan Wangji's chin and his ankle hooked around Lan Wangji's hip.

The least enjoyable of his encounters, at the least, provided him with something important. He has not removed the locket from his qiankun pouch. He wants to waste no time in bringing it to its intended recipient. He performs the first of his morning routines -- his meditation, his patrol, Wei Ying's breakfast -- and then goes to look for Magnus at the camp.

Comments

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn." He lets himself have a longer pause here, alongside a grounding breath of fresh air. The flowers are indifferent to the past. He's slightly hesitant as he continues; he knows that Magnus doesn't like it when he mentions Sizhui, but Sizhui is impossible to extricate from the sentiment he is trying to convey. "I told you that Sizhui's first family is gone and that I gave him my family name. He is the only remaining member of that clan."

[summerdude]

Magnus twists to look at Lan Wangji. None of his trademark Sizhui-shaped jealousy is apparent in this moment. "How big was it before the war?"

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji meets Magnus' gaze, then. "Qishan Wen was the largest and most powerful clan in the cultivation world."

[summerdude]

"Jeez," Magnus says, quietly.

[lightbearinglord]

"He was still Wen Yuan when I found him. But it was unsafe for him to keep that name."

[summerdude]

"Yeah, I'll bet."

[lightbearinglord]

He is silent again, at least for the time being. By now, he knows how foolish it is that he still protects Sizhui's identity so staunchly here. There is no one around who knows to hate him for his family's deeds. It feels like weighty information to hand over regardless. Sizhui is good with his blade, a capable young cultivator; he knows how to fight and how to defend himself. The world is not so kind that he could go wholly without those skills, nor would Lan Wangji want him to. He does, however, want Sizhui to use them only in the pursuit of helping others, of being a noble and upright cultivator who feels free to roam as he pleases, to explore his past as he likes, and to come home to Gusu anytime. As long as no war has broken out in Lan Wangji's absence, Sizhui has already made it longer with his innocence intact than Lan Wangji and his peers did.

[summerdude]

Magnus is quiet for a long few minutes, and then he says, "You know that, like, Battle Practice and Ragnarok aren't, like, wars. Right?"

[lightbearinglord]

"I know. I still consider it cruel to ask you to die over and over."

[summerdude]

"Not to sound like Koolaid Guy," Magnus says, with real regret -- he knows Hanguang-jun won't like hearing this -- "but it's not, like, that bad for einherjar."

[lightbearinglord]

"What does not that bad mean?"

[summerdude]

It doesn't stick and you get used to the pain, Magnus thinks, and then he pictures the look on Lan Wangji's face as he says it, winces, and switches tactics. "Like. This isn't the body I had when I was alive."

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn," Lan Wangji says, without any particular inflection. He touches another of the bells, thinking of Yunmeng and the massacred disciples of Lotus Pier. "It is yours now." He looks back to Magnus, letting a little frown crease his brow, and tries to choose his own words carefully. This entails a pause, and then it entails the words emerging slowly, with deliberation. "I am not trying to convince you to feel your pain more keenly than you already do. If Valhalla was not that bad, then I am glad it was not worse. But I want better for you than not that bad. You told me that you don't like battle. We are surrounded by the evidence of what happens when you are free to pursue kinder things."

[summerdude]

Oh god. Magnus really has to talk to Alex, so he can talk to Galahad and Hanguang-jun, huh. He's gonna do it today. The longer he puts off telling anyone but Sunny about the lessons with Lancelot, the worse it's gonna be. "I think," he says, slowly, "I mean, it's kind of like, you know, childbirth, right?" In reading about how to take care of babies he's also read a lot about pregnancy. This is normal. "You forget about the, like, pain or whatever when you're not having it. Plus," he adds, thinking maybe I should introduce the idea slowly, "I think, maybe, like. It's not fighting that's bad, it's the lack of other options."

[lightbearinglord]

The childbirth analogy is not impressive, and Lan Wangji maintains a flatly skeptical look throughout, but he relents a little by the end. "Mn," he says again. Magnus already knows how much Lan Wangji sincerely enjoys the art of swordplay. It is not the fighting that's bad -- it's the death, the loss, and the pain. "The aftermath of that day was difficult for you."

[summerdude]

"Yeah, the zombies were really overwhelming."

[lightbearinglord]

"They were... numerous." In no sense were they difficult opponents whatsoever, but the sheer relentlessness of them was slightly wearying.

[summerdude]

"I forgot I wasn't the only fighter."

[lightbearinglord]

"Far from it." Lan Wangji meant it, wholly, when he said that he would fight for Magnus, that he doesn't need to take up arms ever again if he truly hates it.

[summerdude]

"I know that now. I forgot that day. I was the only einherjar, and so I forgot it wasn't, like, all on me."

[lightbearinglord]

It sparks a little familiarity. Lan Wangji reaches for Magnus' hand, pressing it between the two of his own, firm. "I understand."

[summerdude]

"So I, like, overextended myself or whatever."

[lightbearinglord]

"I understand," he says again. He keeps Magnus' hand in his.

[summerdude]

"I think the problem with Valhalla," Magnus says, and winces -- it still feels bad and wrong to be overtly critical of the place he chose -- "is that there's not actually any, like, on the job training. It's just, like, you're dead! Time to die! And kill! And not, like, you're dead! Here's a welcome packet and a map of IKEA!"

[lightbearinglord]

Abruptly fond, and overwhelmingly glad to be in this particular Magnus' presence and no other's, Lan Wangji says, "I don't know what IKEA is."