[ closed post: the sun shines brightly ]

[lightbearinglord]

It has been a strange handful of weeks, but Lan Wangji can accept strange far more easily than he could accept the pain that rippled inexorably outward from Shen Yuan's death, seeming to leave no one untouched. The parade of visitors was unusual, and thought-provoking, but not painful. Lan Wangji enjoyed meeting most of them. Even Galahad, whose empty politeness made him feel hollow in turn -- there was a quiet satisfaction in bringing him to the rabbits and watching his stunned expression at the simple joy of holding something small and vulnerable and trusting.

As for himself, the memories are so abstract as to be incomprehensible. There is something there, enough something to assure him that Aornis had no hand in this specific strangeness. But he can barely grasp at the details. He remembers embracing Magnus, but that signifies nothing out of the ordinary. He remembers sparring with Gideon; he remembers that he needs to ask Sagramore for fresh poetry. He remembers the loss of Wei Ying, newer and crueler than it typically is these days, but when he came back to himself the next morning, Wei Ying was there, his head tucked beneath Lan Wangji's chin and his ankle hooked around Lan Wangji's hip.

The least enjoyable of his encounters, at the least, provided him with something important. He has not removed the locket from his qiankun pouch. He wants to waste no time in bringing it to its intended recipient. He performs the first of his morning routines -- his meditation, his patrol, Wei Ying's breakfast -- and then goes to look for Magnus at the camp.

Comments

[lightbearinglord]

He gives Magnus a very mild look. Obviously it would be sad. "How do you think we can help her if she does?"

[summerdude]

"I'm working on it." He's turning over thoughts, slowly. "I told her she should talk to Galahad about drawings, but I think he prefers to have, like. A reference."

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn." He can imagine that being the case. "You and Crowley understand her. You can record her memories now for when she can no longer relay them."

[summerdude]

Magnus guesses he should talk to Crowley. He fidgets for a moment, then opens his locket again and looks at his mom. "I'm really glad my Evil Twin gave you this."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji follows Magnus' gaze down to the photographs within. He may feel slightly wistful when he looks at them, but he can't regret that Magnus has them. He deserves those memories. "I am, too."

[summerdude]

"I wish everyone could have something like it."

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn," Lan Wangji says again, more quietly now. If his memories of Wei Ying's first face are distorted, those of his mother's are barely there at all. She was a mistake, an aberration; no one was likely to come and paint her portrait.

[summerdude]

Magnus sighs, reflecting on their conversation. "Hanguang-jun, it's hard to not feel like everything is at least a little bit my responsibility."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji looks at him for a moment, his brows drawn together just barely with some potent amalgamation of worry and fondness. He can take none of the responsibility for Magnus' goodness and sweetness, but he meant it when he said that he was proud regardless. "I know. You want to help. You have a good heart."

[summerdude]

"Is that okay?" Magnus asks. "I still, like. Promise to tell you when I'm overwhelmed."

[lightbearinglord]

"It is okay." Lan Wangji gathers himself for another careful moment. It is too easy to feel as though he is picking his way through brambles when he tries to make himself understood. "I am not angry that you felt that way. I feel it, too. But one of my responsibilities is to care for you and shield you."

[summerdude]

"You don't have to shield me," says Magnus, surprised. "I'm, like, I appreciate the sentiment, but I've, like, taken care of myself for over a decade. That's not -- that doesn't have to be the, like, point of the, like, dad vibes or whatever."

[lightbearinglord]

"What would you prefer?" There is no chance he will be able to suppress the entirety of his protective impulse toward Magnus, but they can address that later.

[summerdude]

"I... don't know." Magnus regards the cross for a long moment. "Like, it mean a lot that you're committed to, like, making sure I don't have to fight if I don't want to." Though... does he not? He sure doesn't want to kill... "But I'm not, like, helpless. That doesn't have to be our relationship." He's scrappy; he doesn't want to be a burden. He doesn't really know what a dad-vibes relationship looks like. "Can I think about it?"

[lightbearinglord]

"Of course," Lan Wangji says immediately. He hesitates again. There is the feeling that they are on the cusp of something, but he couldn't say what. "May I explain?" What he means by that is: is this conversation already too overwhelming? Does Magnus need a break entirely?

[summerdude]

"Yeah, of course."

[lightbearinglord]

"I have never seen you as helpless." That brief, fond little look is on the heels of the memory of the side-by-side combat they engaged in against the walking corpses. "I trust you to care for yourself." Lan Wangji struggles for yet another moment, biting back some familiar frustration with himself, and then says, slowly and carefully, nearly with the cadence of a mantra, "I know you are not a child. But you were sixteen when you died. You should have been sixteen for longer, and that was taken from you. You asked if I have trauma from the Sunshot Campaign. I am unsure if I do. What I do have is the hope that I can shape a better world for the children who came after me. For you. I don't need to shield you from harm the way I would if you were helpless. If you wanted to take up a blade again, I wouldn't stop you or worry for you because of it. What I want is to shield you from taking on so much that you can no longer lift your eyes to see whatever path will guide you to happiness."

[summerdude]

"Oh," says Magnus, taking this in for a long moment, turning over each word individually in his mind, weighing it and letting it sink in.

Then he makes his trademark move, flinging himself into a tight, close hug. He doesn't bother downplaying his strength or speed -- Lan Wangji can handle it. "Thank you."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji can, indeed, handle it: he catches Magnus, and if it winds him a little, he would never dream of complaining about it. He wraps Magnus up in his arms and hugs him back, just as tightly. He would typically say You're welcome, but the breath is gone from his lungs and the words are gone from his throat. He does nothing but hang onto him as steadily as he can.

[summerdude]

There hadn't been anything Magnus specifically wanted to hear from Hanguang-jun -- he gets the sense they're both figuring whatever this is out slowly and mostly at the same time. But it turns out that what Lan Wangji has said is exactly what Magnus needed to hear. "Thank you," he says again, his words muffled against Lan Wangji. "I'm so glad I know you."

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji, again slightly overwhelmed himself, tucks Magnus more firmly against him, feeling entirely shot through with affection for him. He breathes for a moment, and he is glad that Magnus has spoken, the words rumbling up through Lan Wangji's chest so that he feels them as much as he hears them. It makes it easier for him to answer. "I am so glad, too."

[summerdude]

Magnus squeezes him for another few minutes, then tilts his head back. "Hey," he says. "Wanna go find some lunch? That you make? And show me how?"