[ closed post: the sun shines brightly ]

[lightbearinglord]

It has been a strange handful of weeks, but Lan Wangji can accept strange far more easily than he could accept the pain that rippled inexorably outward from Shen Yuan's death, seeming to leave no one untouched. The parade of visitors was unusual, and thought-provoking, but not painful. Lan Wangji enjoyed meeting most of them. Even Galahad, whose empty politeness made him feel hollow in turn -- there was a quiet satisfaction in bringing him to the rabbits and watching his stunned expression at the simple joy of holding something small and vulnerable and trusting.

As for himself, the memories are so abstract as to be incomprehensible. There is something there, enough something to assure him that Aornis had no hand in this specific strangeness. But he can barely grasp at the details. He remembers embracing Magnus, but that signifies nothing out of the ordinary. He remembers sparring with Gideon; he remembers that he needs to ask Sagramore for fresh poetry. He remembers the loss of Wei Ying, newer and crueler than it typically is these days, but when he came back to himself the next morning, Wei Ying was there, his head tucked beneath Lan Wangji's chin and his ankle hooked around Lan Wangji's hip.

The least enjoyable of his encounters, at the least, provided him with something important. He has not removed the locket from his qiankun pouch. He wants to waste no time in bringing it to its intended recipient. He performs the first of his morning routines -- his meditation, his patrol, Wei Ying's breakfast -- and then goes to look for Magnus at the camp.

Comments

[summerdude]

"Yeah, those," Magnus says, flush deepening.

[lightbearinglord]

The tangle of emotions pulling tight somewhere in his chest is a complicated one, as it always is when Magnus stumbles across this topic. He puts his hands together behind his back. "How do those vibes feel?"

[summerdude]

Magnus glances at Hanguang-jun's hands and shuffles a step or two closer. "Like, good?"

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji doesn't move, but when he looks at Magnus, it's with that familiar expression, soft and open, as if something has taken him by surprise and he hasn't had the time to reassemble the usual characteristic frostiness. He could have guessed this, but he finds it obscurely relieving anyway. The emotional resonance that accompanies a father could easily be anything but good. "Thank you, then."

[summerdude]

"Like," Magnus says, shuffling again so that he's standing right next to Lan Wangji, staring out into the trees. Maybe if he stares really hard at the bark patterns his cheeks will stop burning so hard? "I know I've, like, defeated and/or killed a lot of dads in my time, and it's, like, on sight with a lot of others, but I'm, like. You know. Lucky enough to know what it's like to have a really good parent, too. That's someone who, like, you know. Um, like, looks out for you, and cares about you, and takes on your burdens or whatever, and listens, and helps with what they can. They, like, watch out for you and try to keep you from danger, even if it's danger you can handle. Protective. Upset if you get, like, hurt or whatever."

He wraps his hand around the jade token hanging from his necklace, feeling the stone warm up against his palm. "My mom... when I was, like, five, she got into a huge fight with her brothers about something, and she took me away from Uncle Randolph's house, and we never went back again and she warned me against seeing him ever again. I don't know why, but he did try to sell me out to Loki that one time, so. No idea if there was a relation, but she got a bad vibe, and she was right. And she helped me figure out how to get over my panic attacks, and when I would get in trouble at school and they tried to say I was a bad kid she'd get really mad and defensive and explain at length how they were wrong. And she'd take me camping every weekend so I could have a connection to Frey even though I didn't meet him until after me and her both died." Still staring into the trees, he says, quietly, "You, like, hold me when I'm sad and you teach me things and you don't judge me and you care about me and you pay attention when I talk instead of, like, thinking about just your own stuff, and you give me, like, advice and guidance or whatever. And you obviously have, like, boundaries that you maintain. Which is very adult-shaped adult."

[lightbearinglord]

For very far from the first time, Lan Wangji wishes he could have met Magnus' mother. He would like to tell her what a good son she has. When he calls to mind the photograph of her in Magnus' locket, it is easy to imagine meeting Natalie Chase's eyes and knowing, without speaking, that they are in alignment: that they both love Magnus, that they would both spring to his defense with little provocation, that they want his path to be a rewarding and good one even if it is not easy. She had no choice about relinquishing Magnus, first to the streets, and then to Valhalla, and then, finally, to his care. He hopes he is doing what she would want.

He watches Magnus' hand curling around the white jade of the token. He has carried that token for years, and as long as they are trapped here, it is useless to Magnus, no more than a symbol -- but he would not take it back for anything. Something wants to lodge itself in his throat, some swell of feeling that would stop his tongue, but he swallows it down. "I told that other Magnus that you had named me a father figure. He asked if I returned the sentiment." If these words are emerging from him a little flatly, it is only because he means them so sincerely and because he is doing quiet battle with himself to say them. "I said that for you, I want to be something better than the fathers I have known."

[summerdude]

Magnus bumps his shoulder against Lan Wangji's side, and then rolls his eyes at himself (not in a dad-respecting way), releases his grip on the token, and flings himself into a fierce hug with pretty much all of his strength, tucking his head against Lan Wangji's chest.

[lightbearinglord]

All of Magnus' strength is a considerable amount, and Lan Wangji is caught by surprise. He comes close to staggering backward, but he catches himself almost immediately and folds his arms around Magnus in turn, firm and decisive.

[summerdude]

"You're better than definitely at least most of the dads I know," Magnus mumbles. From what he can tell, Mr. Fadlan is great.

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji squeezes him, most certainly tightly enough that it would be likely to hurt a human. "Thank you," he says again -- it feels like a paltry response, but he is on the verge of becoming overwhelmed.

[summerdude]

It doesn't feel paltry to Magnus! He gives Hanguang-jun another squeeze.

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji doesn't let go, or even consider doing so, but he does instruct himself to relax and to let the tension bleed out of his spine and shoulders. He keeps Magnus tucked into his arms and breathes in the spring air, the clean and fresh scent of the flowers and grasses, the pervasive sense of peace Magnus has created here.

[summerdude]

"I love you, man," Magnus says, very quietly. "Sir. Hanguang-jun. Sir. I want to, like, make you proud. Or whatever."

[lightbearinglord]

Magnus is quiet, and his voice is slightly muffled where his face is hidden in Lan Wangji's chest, but he is neither so quiet nor so muffled that Lan Wangji can't hear him. He strokes Magnus' hair, just once. "I love you. I am already proud."

[summerdude]

Magnus grins. "Like, in perpetuity or whatever," he clarifies.

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji exhales on a tiny laugh, one that Magnus will likely feel more than he hears. "I don't anticipate that changing."

[summerdude]

"Oh," again quietly. "Good."

[lightbearinglord]

Perhaps it isn't obvious to Magnus, somehow, just how fiercely Lan Wangji loves him, and it may be that only time will prove that sincerity. They have enough of that, fortunately. He drops a kiss to the top of Magnus' head to make himself clear.

[summerdude]

Magnus isn't fully cognizant of the fact, but the clearing definitely feels more like early summer than late spring right now. He snuggles there for another few minutes, and then lifts his head. "See????" he says. "Case in point."

[lightbearinglord]

Politely confused, Lan Wangji looks down at Magnus but says nothing. This is usually enough to prompt an explanation from him.

[summerdude]

"I'm not sad," he hastens to clarify. "But you're, like, holding me, and listening to me, and caring about me."

[lightbearinglord]

"Of course," he says, in a way that means, obviously enough, What else would I be doing? With something like a smile, though, he adds, "And that gives me... dad vibes?"

[summerdude]

"Yeah," says Magnus, like duh. "Well, that and the dad jokes."

[lightbearinglord]

"Jokes with groan-worthy punchlines." Lan Wangji's eyes narrow slightly. "Is that what you want for your comedy show?"

[summerdude]

"Anything that comes to you," Magnus says, serenely. "It doesn't have to be groan-worthy. You tell really good regular jokes too."